Friday, June 17, 2011

Why do i Grow?

Post : Jun 16 midnight

For some days or months now, have been breaking my head on what next. Shifting company for more money and better work (?), some investment, a new venture and finally yes ofcourse the coupling, some call it marriage. Am not even comfortable on using the word. let me go with coupling. First, am not convinced yet with a right reason for it. when i ask why? i dont get an answer other than the male instinct (ok call it sex if u want) . Any other reason like 'a company', 'a parent care taker' , 'a burden sharer' nothing works out....which ever i would want to attach it to, makes me feel a cheat myself or a guy running away from his duties. if i try to give a deep thought, i find that i have nothing else to hold strong on to stick to the world. This is very real.

when kid, it was parents who were deciding for most things, except the time i got to play. And to play was an instinct. I pushed myself to decent score because of an interest i had with a girl. It clearly was a message that instincts were either shifting or expanding. Getting to job for the future of the family was a natural objective and goal. Now, things are different. Am at a distance from all my siblings. My immediate responsibility is parents, but they dont depend much on me. Also they think otherwise, that is, they wanna open a pleasant door for my future by getting me coupled to the right girl. They see it as their responsibility or a pending burden.

Havent been strongly stopping them and thats becoz i dont know if to stop would be right for i dont see a better alternate to propose. All i have been telling them is am not settled yet and to go slow. Also if I stop them now, what if am wrong and regret in the future?

Getting to the intellectual piece again, only thing i could realize is that we were (not just me), from birth, only trying to keep ourselves busy by getting into something. Whats 'Ourselves' in the previous sentence? it could be the soul or brain or mind or spirit or whatever, the whatever that we think as ourselves.

In simple words, when hungry we push to feed ourselves and that becomes the only goal of life until it is done. After it is done, you move to the next on list. Could be your work or play. something physical. Take it in general terms and dont compare it to any specific instance. Applies to all actions, isnt it?
I can also give an example. When i first drove a pulsar of my firend's, i started to crave for a good bike and especially a pulsar. When i bought it myself after a couple of years, i was on cloud 9 and was living with it literally. After a week, my craze faded. And when it faded, i could feel it. i understood i was wrong.
Every single relationship is an artificial creation by ourselves. Just becoz the male -female coupling had been proven to be a best known route by society, we all push ourselves. i strongly believe that this is a result of a very limited comparative study we have done.

So many of my friends are getting/got married, and i doubt they did it with any good reason. Infact, if any one of the girls of my crush list had agreed, i might hav delayed this blog post about 'why?' and would have continued to respond to different pushes from all directions of life.

What, Why, When - should i do next?

Would it have helped if i hadnt grown?

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